it's kind of funny because for how much you love writing
and for how much i like to spill my emotions all over a keyboard before they make their way out of my mouth,
i never really wrote anything about you.

the world played a pretty **** cruel trick on me when it decided i'd want you, i think.
it knew it'd never happen.
i knew it'd never happen.
everyone else knew it'd never happen.
but **** can a girl dream!

id daydream about how one day, maybe, just maybe, you'd tuck the hair behind my ear and smile at me
or how maybe one day i'd trace your collarbones with my lips as we tried not to make any noise
or even about how we'd wear matching shirts and walk around holding hands together.  

sometimes i really thought it could happen.
you'd do certain things, say words that i thought could mean something else, hug me for what i thought was a little longer than you did anyone else.
i was wrong.
you were just my favorite and i thought i was yours.
i should've known that your heart's too big to bother with that kind of *******.

i hope you don't know.
i want to keep this one hidden from you.
this'll be the only thing, i swear.  
maybe i'll let it out one day as a joke, when you're a bit better and im able to talk to you like i used to again.

sorry for distancing myself.
sorry for being extremely selfish always.
i hope you can find room in your enormous heart to forgive me for what ive done.
i hope that one day i won't feel filthy talking to you or touching you or even looking at you.
i know it was wrong.
im sorry.