I'm losing my mind,
I can't talk to anybody
who isn't a complete stranger
A college dropout
yet nobody knows
big dreams of making it as a writer
inspire and deflate all at once
a lifetime of poverty and rejection and flattened hope
to look forward to,
but I couldn't do it any other way
college was great and all,
only it wasn't
I never felt enriched
just as if I was memorizing facts
and my heart is all messed up
not knowing up from down
and my brain is clear,
cold,
lacking in sympathy
but not in wit
and every waking moment
seems pointless
just doing what I'm supposed to
nobody knows of the double life
I go to "class"
which really means starbucks
so I can write for a few hours
like the king of cliche
and I want to tell people
especially my mother
"school just isn't for me anymore,
the student loan check never came through
because I'm not a student"
but my tongue is tied
locked up
the key thrown away\but I just can't,
I can not,
and I don't know how much longer
I can go on living a lie