Most of the time I'm a ****** up
**** up.
Stumbling through my days blindly
Leaving wreckage in my wake.

Here, I'm sober
"Clean"
But you take away getting ****** up
and you're still left with

THE

**** up.

Because sometimes, being
pathetic and horrible
just comes naturally.

It becomes fused with your soul,
becomes a part of you
unfixable
unending
unacceptable

But still your reality

The part of you that you most want to
change
but can't.

And so you think,
I might as well drink,
I might as well die

But when you think like that
you know,
those thoughts will lead you to drink...
...and then you will die.

So the question is,
Does it matter?
Do you matter?

I really don't know.