Churning like the vast expanse of ocean laid at my feet.
All the distance and space of things,
Breaking like the wake inside of me
Like the ache inside of me,
Screaming..
Wait your drowning again
My head spins and my lungs
Burn at every want of breath
At every needing, at my neediness
At surviving day after day
Painfully aware of my slow sinking
Pretending I don’t care, about happiness
At my relentless pleas and prying
Into the gray spot of morality inside of me
Thinking an echo over and over
That I don’t miss my sense of belonging
Longing…
And yearning with every water molecule
In my physical body that you would reach out
Or say you want me.
That I could escape this rip tide and
Hide in dry sand, or your hands
Could pull me up and save me,
Lately the waters colder
And I’m older I’m harder, I’m patient,
Impatient…
I’m tougher , I’m jaded. I hate it
I hate me, I hate this
water rushes as I hit my knees..
Today I can't save me
Adrenalin spikes, heart's pounding
today's the day
today… I’m drowning.