I don't currently feel like giving anyone a lecture,
so I'll try to put it simply.

If you keep setting your mind on the negative,
you will never be anywhere near positive
and you will never be better (which, I might add, you say you are try to do)
and you will end up alone in life and even more miserable then you are now
(or say that you are) and then you might actually end up where you think you are heading now (dead)