hold on, just for a single moment. minutes fly by like seconds & you fly out of my mind like a cannonball, puncturing my ship of dreams in slow-motion all the way from one side to the other, shattering every structured thought I've ever had, slowly flooding the decks with memories that would've been, that have been, that will be. I hear the stained glass windows of heaven explode as splinters of hope fly past my head, threatening to rip my feathered fantasies to shreds as I adjust the brim swiftly & unsheathe my silver offense, forged out of hatred, longing, lust; already dripping with foreshadowed revenge. the captain's coat hangs heavy on my weak shoulders as I drag my soaked guilt to the bow, boots slowly sloshing through the blood & terror on my deck. I feel my tortured breath, in & out, mixed with the harsh taste of salty rejection, hear myself shouting orders even I cannot understand above my men's screams of hopelessness. I turn back & look at my ship, eyes wide, open to the world, like a child who still has much to learn. yet I fear I have taught myself too much as I look back on the chaos that is the sea.