its so hard living
existing
human-ing
breathing
it's crazy
you need to have the
mental strength to push
yourself to get through
trauma and past experiences
when in reality
you're weak and
you have a facade
and you're just
your 10-year old self
stuck in an adolescent person
that you would've never fathomed
you'd be in
stuck reading self-help books
from people who feel the same as me
blind leading the blind and you
never wanted to grow old and unsure
and you wish
that peter pan took you
instead and all cartoons have
dark underlying messages and
people huddle around you and ask
what's wrong and
you shrug because
you're not an attention seeker
and you hate love and poetry and
all the things that usually
envelop my being
the giggles and quirks that escape from
my friends become an
undying irritation and now
i wish i could faint and
awake beside
penelope.