F-A-T; the word stands out bold in my brain. Down another cupcake, another cup of Coke, not thinking of the sugary morsels that run past my lips until another pound is added on the scale. I'm triple digits; too big, too flabby, not small enough for a size two dress. I put a finger down my throat, but nothing comes out into the foamy toilet water below me. I count each calorie and gram of saturated fat, but I always fail, always binge until I want to die. Swim another lap, run another mile, grind bone against bone with every strain of my muscle. They say that I am healthy, but healthy is never thin.