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Jan 2020
it is just me missing you.

that is what my hands tell me as they steadily shake.
that is what my eyes tell me when everywhere i look, i hope you appear.
that is what my heart tells me when a simple thought of you shatters the entirety of me.

nothing makes my heart feel emptier than wanting you in it.

sad birds still sing in my head. as i wish you missed me too. i would give my very being to feel the end of missing you. that's what my eyes beg for as they stare at my bare ceiling, they beg for the feeling of not missing you so they can shut and let me rest. But, they are awake, and i miss you.

love has become a feeling of resent and sorrow,
and it sounds like sadness.

i want you to know, i miss you with a passion so blind.

i wish you were terrified of losing me. i wish it with the weight of the  memory of the sun on your face, and my smile from that alone. your light illuminates my every memory of you, and a light like yours doesn't go out.

i will dream about you off and on
i will hear our conversations dance between my ears
i will remember the galaxy you brought me, when i only expected a plant
i can tell someone a lot about you.

now comes the hard part, the constant dreading asking.
why couldn't i have been better?

why couldn't i have gotten over my fears and given you all of me, instead of the half finished painting?

why couldn't i have been anything that would make you stay?

maybe im kidding myself again, maybe its childish to think that someone who almost loved you cares enough to wonder if you slept alight? perhaps its childish to wish you couldn't love me for no reason at, but i know there is a reason for this all.

you must know that my fingers are sad, my stomach aches from the loss. my regret is a flower plucked before its bloom.

chances are, ill never get my beloved moments with you again, or to tell you all these things.

there will always be times i miss you

i miss you the most in times like these, while i lay awake at night and think about the times i spent with you, and how they came to be the most memorable moments of my life.

but for now i will lay here, think erratically for hours and probably type some text for you and delete it. as i now it is pointless.
i will stupidly stare at the black nothingness of my phone, waiting for your name to appear. but in my heart of hearts i know this to not be true, but still i will watch.

          its just me missing you, that all it is
Written by
Jerimiah  19/M/New York
(19/M/New York)   
   s y kalindara and Juneau
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