How am I supposed to act, my heart up in my throat, knowing when I see your face my feelings will not show, for I do not love you, well that I do not know, for once the thought of love was clear but now it is a ghost, ever changing ever shifting, perspective forever changes, for you are not my lover and this is feeling aimless, for I do not love you but I can't get you out of my head, I have to admit its awfully nice to have you as a friend, I long to be close to you whenever I'm away, and when I am so close to you I never want to stray, you lift my thoughts and spirits like no one ever before, but you don't want a relationship so I never opened that door, no I do not love you, that is not a lie, but the weird part is when I see you, it sends me soaring high, with him I thought of you in a longing sense , but again I do not love you so to me this makes no sense, when he kissed me I felt ***** like a betrayal in a way, but I've betrayed no one so why feel this way? Maybe I just think too much, maybe I should enjoy the moment, maybe the new year has something in store and I can try to own it...