I sit in the pew
Early Sunday morning
Looking at everyone dressed so nice
With thoughts invading my mind
Some are impure yet, I continue to pray
With my hands trembling
I wish he knew
As little children try not to make a sound
They stomp their little feet upon the ground
There parents say hush
I really hope you are here
Watching over me in this cruel complicated world
If he knew I was here
I would be black and blue
This is the only place, where I feel peace and new
Among people who really care
Not like him with his commands
As he would yell sit in that chair
Dinner can't be cold or else I would get it
I had to do everything for him on command
I make the trip home after church
Feeling a little better, I had some time
He will be home soon with whiskey on his lips
Then he would force me to kiss
Its the same old story all over again
I prepare the house and lunch for him
I can't eat my stomach hurts again
He was so rough when he took me to bed
My thighs are bruised and my *******
I have impure thoughts that God may not like
But I want to destroy this man
I don't want to lose my sense of faith
I hear his truck come up the drive
It takes several minutes for him to step inside
He slams the porch door, and stomps his feet
So angry not like little children's feet
My heart starts to race, as he approaches me with a raised fist
He don't hit me instead he laughs
Calls me a coward and a *******
What is for lunch he asks with a grunt?
I say I made some soup and ground sandwich spread
Well he replies,  I know what your going to eat
He says sit in that chair
As he unzips his pants
They fall quickly past his waist
He shoves my face into his groin
Good girl work me until I finish
My stomach is churning with the taste of him
When he is done he says, later you will do it again
As I go to stand up,  from the chair he hits me out of nowhere
Next time you need to act like you enjoy it you hear?
I shake my head and eat my tears
As the week past
I attended church
Sat in the same pew
Looked at children so innocent and sweet
With my trembling hands and my nervous feet
This was not going to happen again
And God already knew
I have tried so hard to please you
God I know thou shall not ****
But please allow me a place in heaven
Because hell is where I live
With my sore ribs and blacked eye, I trudge home bible at my side
I prepare lunch and wait for the door to slam
That taste of him that makes me sick
But today is different and he don't know
I have his 30 odd six he uses for deer
If only he knew
After he eats and goes to sit in his chair
He starts to drift off from to many beers
That whiskey kiss that I won't miss
I take that 30 odd six he uses for deer
Put it to his head, and say wake up dear
Now its my time to make this right
You put me through hell and tried to ruin my life
I close my eyes for just a second
And fired that gun
As the blood rushed out of him ,he fall off the chair
Well God I know that was not right
But I would rather sit in jail , then be confined here with him
I will serve my time that is nothing new
So sick of being abused
He is laying on the floor,his blood starts to ooze
I don't want to waste my time watching you die
I have my lunch and feel as free as a bird
I have strength
I never knew
When I called the local police
They came to the house and he was already dead
I confessed what I did so they took me in
My heart felt heavy but no remorse
He was not a man he was evil and unkind
You may of bruised my sense of body and mind
But I'm going to be stronger with you gone
You will not ever erase my faith  
If only you knew