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Dec 2019
my entire life all ive ever wanted to be is loved
to be held
to be cared for
to be wanted
my entire life all ive ever wanted is someone i call my own
to share memories
someone to motivate me
someone to push and inspire me
my entire life all ive ever wanted was to be apart of your life
to make you smile
to cuddle an snuggle an hold eachother
to grow old together

my entire life i have never been love
ive never been held
ive never been cared for
ive never been wanted
my entire life ive never had a woman to call my own
ive never had anyone to make memories
ive never had a woman to motivate me
ive never had a woman to push me or inspire me
my entire life is wasted you dont want me in your life
ive never gotten to make you smile
ive never gotten to hold you an snuggle an cuddle with you
im growing old alone

this pain in my heart is killing me slowly
i have no motivation
i have no inspiration
ive lost all desire
i dont see any escape
wishing it was me that put that smile on your face
praying you come home to spoon
im dying alone

i thought you cared for me
i thought you loved me
i thought i made you smile
i thought you wanted me
i thought you needed me
i thought wrong
my heart is broken
my life is ruined
i have nothing to live for
my life is over

i dont know how to continue
i cant picture a life without you
im stressed sad and a nervous wreck
i have no more tears to shed

make this easy for me
load the gun an pass it to me
hand me the gun so i can rid this hurt
hand me the gun so i can blast my brains
im beyond repair

im not suicidal
im tired
tired of being unloved an alone
im going to die a ******
im going to die not knowing what its like
what its like to be appreciated
what its like to have someone there for me
what its like to be hugged or kissed

a vision of you with me is my demise
i thought it was my upbringing
i was wrong
what a waste
i cant believe it
i have been played
i have been fooled
i have been cheated
i have been robbed

as i lay my head down on this pillow
as i bury myself in these covers
know one thing
the fact is
ive lived a life without being loved
my life just ended
thanks for wasting my time
let me soak in this regret
leave me be

i will never find peace
no faith  prayer or apology can save me
im done trying
i give up
you win

sorry for loving you
im here if you care to change my mind
im shutting the world out
dont wake me
my demise
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