Dec 2019
If I could go back in time
I would kiss my own forehead.
Tuck myself in at night,
and be there for myself in the morning.
If I could go back in time
I would fight the urge to make myself smaller.
My self needs to grow up
and I will hold her hand while she does.
I would fight the urge to avoid the grazed knees
though I know how much they hurt.
The skin doesn't thicken if it
is never touched.
If I could go back in time
I would tell myself
that I'm sorry.
That this will hurt more than just a bit
that growing pains start in the bones
but don't seem to ever end.
If I could go back in time
I would tell myself that she doesn't have to be so strong.
that she can cry when she wants
that she can scream about how much it hurts
and still be alive in the morning.
I would kiss my own forehead.
Tuck myself in at night,
and be there for myself in the morning.
If I could go back in time
I would fight the urge to make myself smaller.
My self needs to grow up
and I will hold her hand while she does.
I would fight the urge to avoid the grazed knees
though I know how much they hurt.
The skin doesn't thicken if it
is never touched.
If I could go back in time
I would tell myself
that I'm sorry.
That this will hurt more than just a bit
that growing pains start in the bones
but don't seem to ever end.
If I could go back in time
I would tell myself that she doesn't have to be so strong.
that she can cry when she wants
that she can scream about how much it hurts
and still be alive in the morning.
It's been a while since I've posted anything here. I became self conscious of my work and looking back over poems I wrote while in a bad place was uncomfortable to do. I felt a longing to protect my past self from everything that had happened, but realised that I would never be the person I am now otherwise. This poem scratches the surface of those feelings, and I feel more accepting of my pain than I did before.
