i remember being a little girl and wanting nothing more than to grow up, go to high school and live my life to the fullest. i think back on that person now and i seriously envy that innocent mind. a mind that had yet to be exposed to all of the destructing things someone goes through. after some years, i realized that well known sayings like "what doesn't **** you makes you stronger" are complete *******. what doesn't **** you turns you into a weak being that you won't even recognize in the end. we live in such a demolishing society and i am so horrified that i have to live through this somehow. i cannot even begin to explain. last year, i used to go through these phases where i would hate everything and would feel like my life ******, but now i'm in this constant cloud, this constant fog of being angry at the world. this will never be something i get over, or something i will recover from. i now can say that i fully understand why some people are so angry at the world. what an effing revolting place we live in. adults crush your hopes and dreams with words they claim to be the "truth", friends turn into fake ******* you don't recognize, boys play you like they play their stupid sports, and most of all grades are the only thing that defines a person, and after that, it's how much money you make and how perfect your life is. we should be so ashamed that this is the way it is. the worst part of it all is that this will never change anything. this will go unheard. just like our individual lives when we have completed the competition that we somehow have the audacity to call life.
honestly, i just envy that untouched, oblivious mind that i used to have.