why can't i ever just feel good
why can't i chase off the thoughts of killing myself
why can't i consistently scamper in the flowers and rainbows
without the demons scampering, calling me a coward, they some opps,
my foes
why can't i feel happy with myself and my mind
when people say i'm great, i disagree and throw it
to the ******* wayside
why can't i run towards the light and risk it all for the joy
but i feel comfy in the dark, the light is blinding
treating my life like a toy
raw emotion
i can't find the potion to make the pain go away
i don't wanna be an addict
but that alc seems great today
addicted to sleep
if i could i would *******
clock out for a week
if i could, i would never speak
and accrue all my thoughts in my mind
until i grow weak and implode
or cease my timeline of livelihood
cease to exist
blood on my wrists
nonexistent fists
because i can't get a grip
i'm tired of this ****
you can see it in my eyes
i wish i could grip on the grip
that holds a clip to a clipper
and snip this life ****
end it
in a blaze of glory
"the kid had so much potential"
**** that ****, it's gettin' gory
i don't care about the clout and the hoes
i just want my bros to shine
and stay on they ten toes
and if i die
they pave the way for they kin and they kids
and if i cry
i'll wipe em off and i'll trudge to the end
soon or not
i hope it happens and i hope they don't care
and i hope they don't stare at the screen
when they read they mans rushed his own end
i hope they keep their hearts clean
without those demons making headway
with those thoughts that may remain unseen
to the world today
but i sit and pray
and keep that faith on the daily
'cause i know God sees the time i'm on
and the tattered ship that i'm sailing
through this life
i've been cradling onto the willpower
gained by my surroundings
as well as the successes i see
that sometimes
make me feel like my work's not done
but at the end of the day
my life and thoughts are one
and i'm certain that
i'm a tortured blessed one

- n.a