His name was Mort
he had a hideous wart
when he got into port
all the wenches would snort
but he waltzed up to the fort
and attended the court
where he drank some fine port
and had a nice chocolate torte
he had eyes on a consort
a tryst with her, he'd had to abort
his mission, her father did thwart
so he drank *** by the quart
and fought men for sport
the rich he'd extort
for he was that sort
for this fair escort
he would not resort
to actually court
her image of him, he dare not distort
and that is why, he'll always fall short
but he got a passport
and got on a transport
and learned to support
himself in Freeport
and that my dear friends, is all I have to report