I fell in love with you.
The time before I knew you feels oddly incomplete
Like the universe has been conspiring
My every step so that I would take the paths leading to you.
I think I knew my entire life
That one day that I would be by your side
Laughing, smiling and inevitably falling.
I knew because you were the one in my dreams. I realize now that
You were the reason why my bones kept tingling and wouldn't settle.

I want you to know that boys like me
Are cautious and afraid to fall in love for the first time.
Boys like me are calculative and hesitant
Because we are too afraid to pay for our mistakes;
We were taught that we are only made of our successes
And that every failure will become a hidden scar 
We must be careful to never repeat.
But you came and made me reckless;
I made my decisions blindly and allowed myself 
To forget about everything else in the world except you.
I’d trip racing to fall asleep each night just to see you the next day,
All I’d eat was your attention to feed the butterflies in my stomach,
And all I could see were the moments we had and the future we could write.
And even when the scars became so many 
That they could no longer be hidden under my clothes
I kept falling deeper and deeper in love you with.
I decided that the pain wasn’t at all bad,
That the wounds were worth every moment of your friendship.

I am envious of the me in another world who was led to you
And who is free to keep loving you, but
It gives me a grain of comfort knowing that somewhere else
You and I are happily listening to our favorite songs 
On a rainy Thursday evening, happily and forever in love.
But in this world, it will only be me who falls
So painfully and deeply and foolishly and madly
And beautifully
.

In love w
ith you.
"The First" and the end of the first.

. . ~ Ankit Dubey | ©