I am ashamed of how much I've let myself fall. . .
I am angry at myself for not talking about it. . .
I am hurt that my brain could betray me so much. . .
I am guilty of keeping so many secrets. . .
I am disgusted at the things my brain tells me. . .

I didn't choose this. . .
I didn't ask to be so messed up in my mind. . .
I didn't hurt anyone the way I've been hurt. . .
I didn't ask for my family to do the things they did. . .
I didn't want to make people worry. . .

I'm sorry for trying so hard to disappoint you. . .
I'm sorry for thinking the thoughts I think. . .
I'm sorry I'm not perfect. . .
I'm sorry for lying. . .
I'm sorry for being me at this point. . .

I can't help feeling anxious. . .
I can't help feeling depressed. . .
I can't help being afraid to gain weight. . .
I can't help feeling euphoric when my ED type thoughts win. . .
I can't help feeling hate towards myself for being super overweight. . .

I want to see my collar bones. . .
I want my clothes to continue falling off. . .
I want to see that I lost five pounds every weigh in. . .
I want to be cute. . .
I want to be sick if it means I lose weight. . .

I am sick. . .
I am confused. . .
I am scared. . .
I am dumb. . .
I am stupid. . .

Please forgive me, as I sit here pointing out every flaw. . .