I don't want to talk about mental health
I don't want to talk about how much
I'm shaking
I can type words right the first time
My throats scratching
I'm cluthing my water bottle to my heaving chest
I can't drink
I'm so thirsty
I can't stop trembling even though it hurts
My left leg usually starts the worst
Moments later my brow furrows
My shoulders tare tension
My jaws locks and it aches as I rock back and forth
And this is just me warming up
It's exhausting
And whispering "okay" in my own sheets doesn't echo well in my head
Not as much as when I part someone else's hair with my words
Anxiety is a fight or flight response and I fight the need to flee
Lock myself down
And wear out my lungs
I don't know what's wrong
Even if I did
I don't want to talk about it
I don't want to talk about mental health
How bruises show up from my own grip
While I loose my handle on reality
I don't want to talk about mental health
And the two hand hold it has on me