Nov 2019
I am drinking a diet coke and dying
You know that you’re sick when even the stench of food makes you want to gag
And it’s easy now to make other excuses for why you’re not eating, because there not excuses anymore
Food just doesn’t taste like it should anymore, it makes my stomach feel tight and uncomfortable even when I’m eating a small amount
I feel disgusted after I eat a big meal, and sometimes it’s hard to hold back my *****
But now I can’t purge my food because I’ve already destroyed my gag reflex brushing my tongue is a nightmare
I can say that my eating disorder is in the past but it always seems to creep back into my life slowly like an unforgotten ex slipping into my sheets, infecting my brain, making me sick
There's just foods that I can’t stand the sight of anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because of my pills or my eating disorder
I can’t stand most cheeses
Most chocolates
Sweet things in general
Anything dripping with grease makes me want to hurl
When I imagine my “perfect body” I want to be curvy but so thin my ribs show with tall legs and small hips
You can only be either or
You can’t have all
I am drinking a diet coke and dying
I’ve spent time with other people like me, and it made me realize just how sick I am and how sick eating disorders are in general
That’s why I need to write about this and talk about this so maybe one day i can stop feeling like this and make sure no one else decides to do this
Eating disorders are nothing to make light of
Cleaning your ***** out of the bathtub is not what I imagined I’d be doing when I was my goal weight
Along time ago this used to be my goal weight, but I am never done
Eating disorders are a virus infecting your system, a fungus infecting your brain
Collarbones and hip bones are not the only thing that matter
I am drinking diet coke and dying
I used to be so ashamed to talk about it, because when you’re sick it’s embarrassing to talk about it
But you need to talk about so you can get help for it, and make sure that no one else feels like that
Worshipping the way your body feels in a corset you wear under your clothes hands stitched from years of looking in the mirror and hating your body
Fabricated from the lies you told yourself, when you tried to convince the world you weren’t sick
You’re sick and you need to talk about this so no one else feels sick too
I am drinking a diet coke and dying
But I will stop so you don’t have to
You know that you’re sick when even the stench of food makes you want to gag
And it’s easy now to make other excuses for why you’re not eating, because there not excuses anymore
Food just doesn’t taste like it should anymore, it makes my stomach feel tight and uncomfortable even when I’m eating a small amount
I feel disgusted after I eat a big meal, and sometimes it’s hard to hold back my *****
But now I can’t purge my food because I’ve already destroyed my gag reflex brushing my tongue is a nightmare
I can say that my eating disorder is in the past but it always seems to creep back into my life slowly like an unforgotten ex slipping into my sheets, infecting my brain, making me sick
There's just foods that I can’t stand the sight of anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because of my pills or my eating disorder
I can’t stand most cheeses
Most chocolates
Sweet things in general
Anything dripping with grease makes me want to hurl
When I imagine my “perfect body” I want to be curvy but so thin my ribs show with tall legs and small hips
You can only be either or
You can’t have all
I am drinking a diet coke and dying
I’ve spent time with other people like me, and it made me realize just how sick I am and how sick eating disorders are in general
That’s why I need to write about this and talk about this so maybe one day i can stop feeling like this and make sure no one else decides to do this
Eating disorders are nothing to make light of
Cleaning your ***** out of the bathtub is not what I imagined I’d be doing when I was my goal weight
Along time ago this used to be my goal weight, but I am never done
Eating disorders are a virus infecting your system, a fungus infecting your brain
Collarbones and hip bones are not the only thing that matter
I am drinking diet coke and dying
I used to be so ashamed to talk about it, because when you’re sick it’s embarrassing to talk about it
But you need to talk about so you can get help for it, and make sure that no one else feels like that
Worshipping the way your body feels in a corset you wear under your clothes hands stitched from years of looking in the mirror and hating your body
Fabricated from the lies you told yourself, when you tried to convince the world you weren’t sick
You’re sick and you need to talk about this so no one else feels sick too
I am drinking a diet coke and dying
But I will stop so you don’t have to
