Mar 2013
They called me pathetic
Pathetic for having pity and slight compassion for my enemy
I wanted to ****
But I chose the only way of life
I wanted to harm
But I chose the only way of peace
And this “… really pathetic way …”
Was now against me in two ways
The aggravation of my peers
The twisted thoughts of my own mind
Working together and apart in a way that gives me what I want
Yet what I never want to happen
It turns me inside out and causes pain
Pain which I cannot block with the softness of my skin
But accept with my gut and heart and all that makes me
I want to be free of pain
But sometimes the only way out is just less pain
But always pain
Never happiness
Just less pain than the other way
I’m testing a painless way
But with the help of my friends
It becomes more painful than the painful way
How are these friends that help me into pain
And expect me to take the way that hurts me most
And hurts their friend physically too?
I cant risk causing or creating any pain
Not again
Four years have passed and ive kept my calm
Four years of thinking through
Four years of doing actions that always seek to impress everyone
Even against my own happiness
I’d rather make everyone happy
That way I can be seen as nice and funny
But the way I need to go
The way I am going
I cant be nice and friendly
I know that
But I will stay on the pain freeway
For as long as I can
Until the nearest service station comes and I can
As it were
Grab some help
Before I arrive at my final destination
Turning up
To the point that I need to be avoiding
That’s something I know will happen
And what everyone seems to want to happen
Even the enemies
But little do they know
Little does anyone understand
There will be trouble
Too much trouble to comprehend
And to apologise for after
A way to stop the sorry
Is to stop the action
If I don’t do anything wrong I cant be accused of it
I’m just trying to get by
Even if It means without friends
Without the best parts of my life
I just need to be driving along
And carrying on
For the good of everyone else
Even my enemies
And they call me pathetic
Pathetic for having pity and slight compassion for my enemy
I wanted to ****
But I chose the only way of life
I wanted to harm
But I chose the only way of peace
And this “… really pathetic way …”
Was now against me in two ways
The aggravation of my peers
The twisted thoughts of my own mind
Working together and apart in a way that gives me what I want
Yet what I never want to happen
It turns me inside out and causes pain
Pain which I cannot block with the softness of my skin
But accept with my gut and heart and all that makes me
I want to be free of pain
But sometimes the only way out is just less pain
But always pain
Never happiness
Just less pain than the other way
I’m testing a painless way
But with the help of my friends
It becomes more painful than the painful way
How are these friends that help me into pain
And expect me to take the way that hurts me most
And hurts their friend physically too?
I cant risk causing or creating any pain
Not again
Four years have passed and ive kept my calm
Four years of thinking through
Four years of doing actions that always seek to impress everyone
Even against my own happiness
I’d rather make everyone happy
That way I can be seen as nice and funny
But the way I need to go
The way I am going
I cant be nice and friendly
I know that
But I will stay on the pain freeway
For as long as I can
Until the nearest service station comes and I can
As it were
Grab some help
Before I arrive at my final destination
Turning up
To the point that I need to be avoiding
That’s something I know will happen
And what everyone seems to want to happen
Even the enemies
But little do they know
Little does anyone understand
There will be trouble
Too much trouble to comprehend
And to apologise for after
A way to stop the sorry
Is to stop the action
If I don’t do anything wrong I cant be accused of it
I’m just trying to get by
Even if It means without friends
Without the best parts of my life
I just need to be driving along
And carrying on
For the good of everyone else
Even my enemies
And they call me pathetic
