I feel a great guilt
When I think to myself
She is the worst.
I know deep down, she does love me
At least more than she should
I’m the one who tells her she’s not being fair
I’m the one who says she’s the worst
For loving all of her kids, except me
For giving more attention to the others
For wrecking my whole life
So many times over
Sometimes it feels like she doesn’t see me anymore
Like she doesn’t think I’m as smart as everyone tells me I am
So I deny their complements, because if she can’t see it, then it’s not there
And then I complain
I focus on all the things she does that make me feel so sad inside
I can’t see that she’s trying to help me
Out of worry
I take note that she never says I love you just because
It’s only when she thinks I need it, or when she knows I’m upset with her
I see that all she wants is to be liked
But really she’s trying to be there for me when I need it
I feel a great guilt
When I think to myself
She is the worst.
But she’s trying
And she does love me
More than she should
Because in all honesty
I am the worst
Please forgive my guilt.