I confess,
My blood pounds in my ears,
And my mouth opens before my head catches up to it.

I’ve only ever lived for others.

When I didn’t want to be alive anymore,
I kept going
Not for myself,
But for others.

I’ve been taken from my lifeline,
My codependent
Reason for living.
Other people.

So now I have to slap my own wrist
When I go to help someone,
Keep to myself
Before I try to keep someone.
Live selfishly,
And hope to find myself.

My mouth gets ahead
If my head.
And suddenly I’m saying things
Like “I love you,” and
“Leave me alone.”

My way of self preservation
Was to invest in others
For so long,
And now it must be
To keep only to me.
And I don’t know if I want that life.

Easy there, Ginger.
Quiet your tone.
Don’t let yourself get angry,
Sit there
And take it.
If you want to
Survive.