what  a ******* day.....
tired and busy and stressed and excited
sad tired happy pleased bored hungry annoyed hopeful depressed
desperate curious tempted.....

all the **** ups and downs

i just wanted to sleep....
but like... some of it was good
some not...

wished there was more coffee
then
wished there was more wine

basically
i'm not good
i'm not... happy
i'm just not

but man... i'm so ******* done with doctors
can't you just let me medicate myself
maybe i'll overdo something.....
maybe that's better....
i'm just.... i'm just done

and i'm mad

i really was looking forward to my knife tonight
but like... idk i'm feeling okay now....

how disappointing

no new scars for the week....

Just... just look at me
Please...
There's something wrong here
I'm not right
Idek if or when I can feel anything anymore

AND MAYBE I'M JUST MAKING THE WHOLE THING UP

why do i keep wondering that.....????

healthy people don't do that
they don't refuse to drink water
they don't regularly go 10+ hours without food
and still refuse to eat
they don't hide symptoms under abrasive chemicals
because at least then they know why you're acting weird
they don't have to take ******* ssris
cause... they're fine
is anyone fine???

can't tell anymore...

haha i'm a ******* wreck
but who cares
i feel fine
for tonight