Let me see if I can put my feelings into words . Words that would describe me living in two different worlds . Always waiting patiently, for these moments to unfurl. It was never meant to happen, but it felt surreal. Every emotion genuine from the next . Now an days I'm still looking at my phone, for some kind of text . But my bet , it won't happen like that . I'll still be as empty as you made me , wishing you'd call me back . Turning all my thoughts into how you'd react . To the facts , to everything you said I lacked . Confidence , belittlement, everything you put on my back , you will never say you relate to my feelings of that . It's beyond the love an the hate, it's about those two beings pro-creating . Making a new face in this world of our fate. But your loyalty just couldn't relate. And I still ask you today , for what you have to say . Still receive no response , your loveless, your devastation in it's wake. Your love for so many years I feel was faked.  Even now I feel I'm on a time limit , and I've always been to late . Quite frankly I don't know how much more I can take.  My river of tears have now become a lake, leaving craters in their wake . I've lost the way to recuperate. I'm broken over the lies you fed me day after day . And in my poems , I can only find these destructive words to say . Beyond imaginable , I'm not okay.
Raining , pouring, carrying to much , I'm full . Feeling hot tearing , mind manipulating, deep inside my soul . Open doors apon doors , and still end up in a box with to many walls .in my mind's eye , I'm searching through these halls . Filled with shadows , but Meadows of metals. Not a single scent comes to mind at all . I'm anxious , I'm worried , I can hear it calling . The very moment I forget myself and I fall. Library of books in my dreams are hooks , casting bad memories from my past enemies. And yes my life is this dull . Vivid as black and grey , a screen shot of my emotion just gone and faded away. I'm awful , horrible as they may say . I'm now that guy who drowns in the pain , expecting voids with no change . My days are on repeat , I feel insane.