I just want you. Intimately, of course, but in every other way possible, too. You see, I've learned that there are very few things in life that consistently make me happy - my art, my words, my dance, and you. It's like I have this hole in my body, like I'm hungry. All my life I have been starving for happiness and love.
Now, every time I'm with you, every time I talk to you even, it's like there's this whole plate of endless joy right before me, but I always just get a taste of it. I never get to dive in and devour the whole thing.
I am this child starving for you; and it really aches on the inside because I see what is placed before me and I never get to have it all. What makes it worse is that I know you will fill me up and I will never grow hungry again.
And it's been like that for years.
Ever since the first time I saw you, and I mean really saw you, I knew that there was something different about you, and that you were going to change my life. You might think I'm crazy, which I probably am, but I can just sense these things out. My heart can sort of predict how someone will make me feel in the future.
When I laid eyes on you I was truly stunned. I had these flashes of emotions, and it actually kind of scared me. They were so intense I didn't know what to do. I still get these rushes all the time, except I understand them now. Not completely - but for the most part.
Do you believe in soul mates? Do you believe in twin flames? I think about it all the time. I read quotes, and theories, and myths, and lores, and when I think about you they all makes sense.
You see, I recently read something about connected souls. They don't understand what time or distance is, they just feel the others absence, and they ache and yearn for them to come back. It doesn't matter if they just left the room or they are in another state, the soul just thinks being away for five minutes feels more like a week.
How do you think my soul feels when you are gone for days? It feels like you are missing from my life for months, years even. I haven't seen you for three or four days and it seems like a weeks time has gone by. It misses you; I miss you. All I think about is how to pass the time until I am in your arms again.
I am not one who believes in reincarnation, but I feel like our hearts have been missing each for years. Like they have been wandering the earth for centuries searching for its other half, and now they have happened to stumble upon each other. Throughout my whole life, my soul has felt like it was missing something, and when I am with you it's like the waters become calm. The storm is over.
And I know I don't get to have you all the time, and any type of relationship we try to have is a battle that we usually end up losing, but I always try to think of the bigger picture. I tell myself, "you don't have to win the battles to win the war." At times it is easier for me to listen to my own advice than others - but I always do my best, and this is why.
I read a quote that made a lot of sense even though I didn't agree with all of it.
".... But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you every thing that is holding you back; the person who brings you to your own attention. So that you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. ....Souls mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave..."
I always try to convince myself that the reason you come, and break my heart when you leave, is to rip down my walls and to show me another layer of myself. It really only makes sense if you think about it.
Every time I am with you, I, at first, try to be tough and mean but I can never go through with it. I know that I love you and that makes the whole act crumble to the floor. I am too comfortable with you to be like that. I get so use to the feeling of happiness and comfort and love, that when you're gone I feel like a different person. Every time I find another way to sustain myself while you're away. I discover a new part of me that I didn't know was there. I think I am going to be devastated when you go missing, but I surprise myself with the ways I find to push myself through. And then of course - the cycle starts over.
I know that one day, the cycle will end. It will be you and me, and our kids, and our house - just like you planned. When you talk about our future together, it assures me that it's worth the fight, and that things will be okay later in life. After these rocky roads together we will be laid our in our spot in the forest listening to the creek and feel of the cool breeze.

Darling, I love you more than the fish love the sea, and I know you love me too. No matter what we do or where we go in life, that is a fact that will never change. As often as out bodies are apart, I know our souls never will be.

"I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There is nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than depression, and I am braver than loneliness, and nothing will ever exhaust me."
*-Elizabeth Gilbert