i used to stare up at the beams of light shimmering through the clouds as i looked out of the car window
my mum would say it was heaven
and i always used to believe her

now i’m no longer a child and i’m only awfully scared of death
i’m terrified that there will be nothing to float upwards to after i take my last breath
after many moments gazing up at the sky thinking there would be lakes and angels
i can now only see the clouds for what they really are

i can see frogs and dragons and hearts in them
but i’m scared that beyond there isn’t a heaven