today was a good day
even though the sky was a horrible white and the wind was in my face as i rode my bike
the awkward 'sorry's and smiles as i passed people on the street made today a good day
i wondered where they could be going or if my smile might have made them just half as happy as theirs made me
i rode over the bumpy grey cobbles that once might have annoyed me
but today i greeted them with joy and hope
i noticed too that the branches are just beginning to regain their leaves and that alone today planted a small happiness in me

on this dismal day, somehow i found the strength to breathe

as i fall asleep, i want to cry, for i felt a part of something tonight
my guts weren't aching and i didn't feel myself wanting to leave the room
i wasn't yearning
i wasn't waiting for something to go wrong

for one day i didn't feel like i was sinking into the ground, i sat at the table and i let myself laugh so loud
i felt a part of the earth spinning, flowers blooming and morning birds singing, i didn't dread going to sleep because i wanted to be awake as long as time would let me
it didn't feel like nobody needed me - it felt like i could finally be free

and although i lay in my bed terrified of time, i want every part of me to remember tonight
standing under the void of a sky blowing cold air as if it was smoke
the bliss of not wondering if i was embarrassing
the comforting touch of the winter air's sting
i will my all to have hope from this

we could show each other the songs we like
underneath an everlasting sky
holding hands while we fall asleep

i'll sing you a stupid song as we overlook the ever looming fog
i won't get nervous when you look at me

i'll spend an eternity with you, my ever blooming blue, we'll drift through the evergreens when everyone's asleep
like two lost ghosts who only in each other have a home
we'll never again have to be alone

pale wings and soft hands, invisible and blushing

i wish you were real

black hair and waterfalls of tears - i promise it will get better from here
you'll learn to find new paths, branches and leaves, by yourself
in the winding green forests that you both used to call home

one day there will be a small glimpse of purpose even if it's only making it until the next day
and the next day, and the next, though your body is weary, your mind is blank and  your heart is heavy and grey

it won't always be this way.

the moon will look like more of a friend rather than only a horrible day's bittersweet end
you'll be more than just the person that always walks behind, never knowing the right words to say and holding in the urge to cry

there'll be a reason to get out of bed, a small calmness that allows you to sleep,
a shred of acceptance for your own soul

i promise that you don't need another person to make you feel whole

crying hopelessly by the beach
before i truly knew what sadness felt like
you rest your head on my shoulder when we got home and i didn’t move an inch in that dimly lit room

trying not to breathe, i felt like the keeper of your sleep
how sweet it was to have someone like me

in the morning we gardened as a family
throwing the ball for our dog, running inside and outside not minding too much about the sharp stones underneath our bare feet
for once i was a part of something, a mismatched family one day to fall apart

but we didn’t know that yet as we walked through the graveyard -
pink skies overhead guarding the dead
we walked our dog through here again and again
down through the emerald forest,
collecting twigs and flying on rope swings and through the enchanting trees we would soar
as we walked on towards the sea what would we have thought
if one of us just said ‘in the end we won’t have this anymore’