Today I caught you staring.

At me I hoped, but then she spoke
To the class, and I watched your
Face change and I knew.

                                                            You smiled at her the same way
                                                            That you sometimes smile at me. The
                                                            Color drained slowly from my face as
                                                             I realized how inferior I was.

She hunts, wears stylish clothes,
And has enough money and much
To spare. She's sweet, funny, and
Quite brilliant. I respect her.

                                                              I don't have many clothes. Money is
                                                              Carefully sectioned and cared for
                                                              Because there's barely enough to use
                                                              For wanted things rather than needed.

She has developed an organized,
Clear life. My life is chaotic. I know
I love you from afar, but I hoped that
You had realized our chemistry.

                                                             You were gone Friday. You showed up last
                                                             Period on Monday. I thought it was okay
                                                             To miss you a little bit, that it wasn't a big
                                                             Deal. I realized when you came back I was wrong.

Shivers ran down my spine as
You walked through the door,
Late. You passed my seat normally
But I couldn't get enough air.

                                                             Your friends clapped you on the back,
                                                             Calling your name and drawing your
                                                             Perfect smile. Then they said something
                                                             Shocking- "Happy Birthday!"

In my mind, I painfully smiled
And wished you the best birthday
Even though I knew I wouldn't
Be able to tell you to your face.

                                                              I know you probably don't realize, and
                                                              That I may be unqualified. But you still
                                                              Held the door open with a smile, and I
                                                              Could barely mutter, "Thank you."

As I walked behind you, I wanted
To reach out and ruffle your curly
Hair, then laugh as you turned to me,
Shocked. I wished we could play.

                                                              Instead, I just watched you walk
                                                              The way you always do, and smiled behind
                                                              Your back as you placed your feet with
                                                              Runner's precision, even as I shuffled.

As I moved past you with my
Longer strides, I smiled as I always
Do, with everyone. But perhaps
You caught the undertone of "Happy Birthday."

                                                              But today I came late, and you didn't
                                                              Seem the same as you always did, though
                                                              You talked to me on class-related business,
                                                              Which, even though simple, was enough for me.

But then I caught you looking at
Her. My slight Inferiority Complex
Hit with force, and my hopes were
Dashed to the side. I broke inside.
                                      
                                                               I hope in a couple of years, even if you're
                                                               Interested in her, you'll take me on a
                                                               Date, as friends; nothing serious. That will
                                                               be enough for me, even if it's not my desire.



--
Other thought:
You play the trumpet, and can't sing.
I sing with full heart and care, with my
Often-used, experienced voice. I wish
That someday we could make music together.
--


                                                             This is an ill-formed poem, filled with
                                                             Inconsistency and raw feelings, with
                                                             No revision. But I hope that if/when I
                                                             Show these to you, you'll understand.
                                          &nbsp