not because I learned from them. I’m still
just as confused as I ever was. I loved them
because they were so much fun. Some of the
biggest thrills in my life, the moments I felt

truly alive is when I was doing something
utterly wrong, something totally disgraceful,
and where I shouldn’t have gone. But even though
I got hurt, and so did many others I couldn’t say

for one moment that I wasn’t truly
in my element, that I didn’t experience passion
through the fire, that I didn’t feel the ecstasy through
each cut and bleed and ***** deed that had me

spinning as a top on the edge of the table
ready to fall off at the next turn. Not knowing where
I was going but having a ******* fantastic ride
going there with my eyes closed and my hair whipping

in the wind, feeling immortal and being young
again, that kind of young when you think you’re
invincible. You can escape it all, like a James Bond
movie. I was the leading lady,  certifiably crazy!