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Sep 2019
Hey zakk,
How’s life?
I guess it’s … all right.
I’ve been dealing with some things like every human being,
And I couldn’t go to sleep the past few nights.  
My girl is worried,
I’m not.
I think I just need a little me time,
My therapist told me to give myself a little free time.
To take a break from the work and the manic rides,
I’ve been struggling for years from a breakdown,
Thoughts got me lost,
And I’m not proud.
I had a close encounter then I found out,
Bipolar addict plagued by my own doubts.
When I started drinking momma had to kick me out,
Had to pack up my things and move out.
Depressed as hell, lets pour the goose now.
She tore my heart up, look where are we now!
I’ve been searching,
I think that means that I have been learning
Throwing away my mistakes, facing my burdens.
Ive Been to rehab, I’m an alcoholic,
You probably think that this is concerning
Inner struggle to choose right, life’s got me nervous,
Many times I’ve lost sight,
my memory is blurry.
Its been a long journey,
Ive escaped the oak box and the gurney, but hey!

I don’t have much to show,
People were cold to me, where would I go?
Had the world in my hands, and then let it go,
Looking for the answer,
To stop the pain.
The trauma is real, where’s my moral code?
Pardon my mistakes, I was in a toxic space,
Looking down on me because what I chose,
Making straight A’s,
Valedictorian with a bachelors degree,
You see me?

Working on my life I don’t want to be famous,
Writing this song for all of us who cant say it,
I’m scared when I go out in public,
Judgment staring at me through so many faces.

I drink I and then start to get anxious,
That’s when my existence is dangerous,
Ego comes out, Self hatred screams loud,  
and then i forget what im sayin an…

Where did zakk go?
This pain aint nothing,
Drugs came in I didn’t see that comin,
Blunt to my my mouth cant tell me nothing,
Gotta taste of the liquor had to pump my stomach,

Threw it back up like I didn’t want it,
BAC like .49 something,
OCD trying to test my will,
Bipolar and an addict
Aint that something?

I can be cynical,  
Never atypical,
My existence seems fictional,
Im a living miracle,
Toxic levels were critical,
Conditions were unlivable
Those Hating me, your energy was pivotal

Parents split up when I was 7; pain was inconceivable,
My heart was torn to pieces living conditions became miserable,
The pressure pushed my rage to levels that made me feel invincible
No parents should do this to there kids this **** is pitiful.
Work in progress rewriting NF's lyrics for the song the search
Written by
Z  28/M/Michigan
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