You can have anxiety, like temporary insanity of pulsing nerves racked with all the possibilities that you do not want to come to be.
You can have depression with similar obsessions but be affected differently, whilst anxiety has you move quickly in terror depression brings despair where there is not actions to repair.
And sometimes in-between these states of mind you can find lurking urges pushing you to end the madness you are going through.
I’ve done my version of each of these, walked roads which few believed but I can see the reality of your suffering, cause you are family to me.