When do I start this love affair

When do I find someone to care

To hold me tight

In the stillness of night

I hope it might

Be soon.

I’d be over the moon

Will I know it when I see it

Will I feel it, will I be it.

Will I fall at the first hurdle

Will she wear a playtex girdle

Or whalebone and wire a sixteen inch waist.

I do know that I will want to taste

Her breath

Her hair

Her legs

And then the question begs

What’s for dinner

Please forgive me I’m just a sinner.

But I could make her feel like a queen

Do things that she has never seen.

Write love songs about her poetic face

Dress her up in satins and lace

Take her back to my place.

And just in case, I forget

Tell her I love her.

I would make her laugh

Have her in fits, take her out for tea at the Ritz

Teach her to dance and do the twist

Go out on Sundays and play some whist.

And Lord forbid that she should cry

Then I would dry with my lips her tears

Allay her fears

Nibble her ears

When do I start this love affair

When do I find someone to care.