"My hands are tied"
He said in the parking lot
In the place we once made up
In the place I once trotted through and cried
Reminiscing on
Just how
Much and little
We ended up
Meaning.

I'm sure I will
See you again
But it won't have to be
It won't be
When I'm feeling like this.

I felt like a bad imitation painting
Of "The Scream"
And you rode off in
The opposite direction of me
Just as I was reaching for you
Just as I was calling you.

No need to be surprised
You don't dictate
How it goes
Though I know you tried
You always wanted
The last word
The last walk away
The last leaving
The last.

Thats just it though isn't it
Thats just the end of us
The final thread hanging us
Among the spider web
Of the place, the feeling
I long to be done with.

All you had to do
Was be honest
Kind
Transparent.

I have to wade through so much *******
So much ******* now
My father and I
Are back to not speaking
I'm almost 29
I want to hike
To forget
I meditated on my traumas
Worked through them
Breathed through the confusion, the fear
Wondered and faced
The feeling of
Still struggling to love myself.

I recognize I've allowed
And let people stay
That betrayed me or treated me
Without respect
And its always so sad to let those people go
Its always so sad

But just go.