is this not me?
the 2 a.m. questioning and
the brokenness of my body?
the loneliness and the doubt?
the wondering if i want this now
only because i think i will never
have it again?

is this version of me
any less true
than the version that is proud
and loud and brave?
is this not who i am?
is this not just as much me
as i was when i was
so different?

i wonder how i can swing like a pendulum
so violently from safe to scared
and then i remember
that i have never been steady
and i have never been brave enough
and i have never learned to be honest

this is me learning honesty

what do i want?
how do i ask that question
without fearing the answer?
how? how? who?

is this not me, too?