It crept up on me
The darkness
Hit hard when it arrived
So it’s honesty hour.

I’m really unhappy.
I smile so they don’t know.
Nothing’s really wrong
But I’m haunted by unresolved pain
I just want to hurt.

But I also want to run.
I’m so **** tired of this
Of being good
Day after day
Putting in all this effort
I don’t get a break

I want a vice.
I want to pump my body with something
I really don’t care what
But I want to feel it everywhere
Light up all my senses
Or maybe something to sedate me
I don’t care.
I just can’t take this
Never had access to anything
And I’m a bit angry at that
But I’m pretty certain
I don’t want to be sober.

Maybe a pleasure would suffice
Defile myself
Remorse and bliss intertwined
Feel a rush
First dopamine
Next guilt and hatred

I would kinda like
To open my wrist up
I wish it didn’t matter
I wish no one would care
So I could just fall
Deep into darkness
Never to return
With no consequence

Let me twist myself
Into a tragedy