I asked them out and now I’m stuck on this date,
And it’s a quarter past... wait... oh ****, I’m late,
I live on the border so I gotta hop a state,
In a black Mitsubishi and make sure to partake,
In this dumb thing that I agreed on,
I’m wasting time writing **** on my front lawn,
Now it’s half past noon and I accepted at dawn,
That I’d date a dude with combed hair named Ron.

Yeah, he’s a guy, did I forget to mention that?
I’m still on this date cuz he looks like Chris Pratt,
If he trimmed a little and put on a nice hat,
That screams look up here, not down at my fat,
Yeah, he’s a little chubby, but that’s okay,
We talked a lot, like throughout the day,
Talked about cars, and women, and manly stuff,
So we didn’t feel bad when I was taking it rough...