sometimes my mind falls ill twists and warps my thoughts lets all the demons in freely to ransack my sanity
somewhere in the chaos in the !!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! ! !! ! ! !D!E!A!F!E!N!I!N!G!!!N!O!I!S!E! ! ! !! ! !! !!! ! !!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there's a whisper of a thought... it's not kind... it craves pain... it flirts with death...
it is this voice that makes me wonder if it wouldn't be better if i were bleeding or maybe if i were starving or maybe if i were high
it makes me want to abuse myself to punish, to torture to remember i'm alive to excite me
all i want is destruction
defile abuse torture harm
"you deserve this....." "don't you want to see the damage?"
"your heart will race.... adrenaline in your veins......"
"brand yourself with the marks of suffering..."
"make yourself sick......." "i know you've been curious."
"make the pain real." "enjoy it."
i must control the voices else they get too loud... and as they grow in power i quickly desire to be terribly abusive to DESTROY MY BODY because this.... this disgusting flesh... really shouldn't exist