in the morning
i decide to love myself
with the sun shining
in my face
as i wake up
cold sheeted
i get up
get dressed
move out and about
i preach love
i say love
i do love.

but at night,
my decision fades,
just like how the sun
sets every six thirty
in the evening
as usual.
see,
when it goes down
apparently i am down
too
i don't know how
things work but
i wish i could
somehow
i do not control
my feelings
or any emotion
given to me.
no, i am not a robot.
but i just can't when
i am lying to myself
everyday
that things would work out
with my family,
my friends,
him.

it is not
constant,
let me assure you that.
maybe it's just that
i come home everyday
thinking the world hates me.
and so i delete every post
or picture
to not seem "seeking"
maybe its how i am so
passionate about something
that i eager to show the world
but no one wants
to look at
and so, delete there is.
maybe it's just how
i am so used to everyone
talking about me
i forget about the people who matter ;
but then i do not either.
they do matter.
always have.

maybe it's just me.

- and my late night thoughts