its hard to believe something like this has happened, its hard to take it in and not to blame anyone.
these past few weeks have been a roller coaster its been up but mostly down. most days I've been crying its hard going though all this pain and not knowing what to say or how to feel so you stay quite even tho you know that's the worst thing you could do because it doesn't sit well ,
when i lost my granddad i partly blamed myself for not telling him loved him more or having more conversations but the one person  i really blame is the doctors i thought the doctors are suppose to help you not send you home and tell you your fine when you know its not and losing him was hard it was extremely hard,
the next year in June 2019 i woke up to the news that i now have lost my  grandma and that broke me i never told her i loved her more than i should of i should of have more conversations with her i loved her more than life its self i blame myself.
i feel like i'm losing everyone i love.
from all this its taken me down and i feel like i'm never going to be okay because i go on about my day and i'm fine but deep down i'm broken and i'm lost and i miss them.