I am a seeker for the light
fighting to flee this blackened night
filled with dreams of nights gone by
tossing me restless, my heart a sigh
in these dreams
your beautiful hands are my slaughter
pulling, holding me under the water
my breath is ebbing fading fast
is this it, sweet release is it here at last?
battlefields play out in my sleep
you want me here, my soul to keep
with you here under the black rushing water
where you took your life in my name..
my eternal torture
drove your beloved Holden off the peak
of the Gorge into the wild Buller River
your body unfound for more than 40 weeks, all hope slowly did wither
at the ripe old age of 23, you chose
to take your life because of me
or so the note said, unrequited love
love not received yet given
but I DID love you, how could I know
you were so broken
by horrors endured, which remained unspoken
if you'd let me see your injured child
I could have helped, been gentle, more mild
but you knew who I was then, young, hungry
free spirited - wild,
isn't that the 'me' you fell for after all?
then surrounded yourself with a ten foot wall.
I never betrayed you, never dallied or strayed
maybe you'd have trusted more
if you had stayed.
It's all ancient history now, but you still haunt my dreams
I wake up in cold sweat, body shaking,
stifled screams.
Fighting my way back up through the
black water
fleeing your beautiful hands,
my eternal torture

J.C... undated.