I may come across as crazy to you. But I’m not. I’m not crazy. Well that depends on what your definition of crazy is. It could be in a technical sense. Or it could be in a literal sense. Or it could be in a mental sense. Or OK. You get it.

So here’s the thing. My friend is being controlled by Reptilian Aliens. Yes! I’m serious!... No, I haven’t seen them but… Hey. I learned it on the internet and the internet is always right. I haven’t told her that I know. I’m not sure I should.

What if they hear me? They’ll come for me! They’ll take me! What if they harm her to get information from me? What if they come and destroy the world? Oh no! They can’t. Earth is the only planet with chocolate! Imagine a universe with no chocolate! Then everyone would be without energy all the time and what a disaster it would be if I had no energy!

Especially because I only use my energy for the greater good! What if I weren’t here to warn you about this danger? You all have to keep your mouths shut! It’s imperative you are discreet! We should all go into hiding! Underground. There has to be a secret bunker somewhere for me!

I’ll help everyone get settled in our new underground home. No. Wait! My friend. She’s coming! It’s every man for himself! Aaaah!! (Runs Off)