I let you go because I “knew” that I could do better
Because I “knew” that I deserved better
Well it’s been a year now
I haven’t found better
I haven’t found anyone else really
So now I’m second guessing my decision to do better
Because now I have no one
Even though I didn’t have you
I still “had” you
You were the closest I’ve ever gotten to the real thing
The closest I ever got to a fantasy come true
Even though we weren’t the real thing
You were the first lips I’ve ever kissed
My lips
Even if they weren’t really my lips
You were my first love
The first heart I’ve ever held
Even if I never held it
It was the only thing I knew
Even if we weren’t really a “thing”
And I “know” that I deserve better
But compared to everything else I’ve ever had
You were the best
Even if you were the worst
I cried myself to sleep countless times over you
And yet I enjoyed your company the most
Wrote a couple poems about you
Some real, some not so much
I always did my best to pleasure you
Never enjoyed myself but always enjoyed your touch
Fell head over heels in love with you
And even if I never had you
You were still mine
I wish you’d come back
You’re all I ever knew
And even if you weren’t really mine
You were mine to me
Because it hurts to much to be real with myself
It hurts to admit that it was all one sided
It hurts like hell to admit that you never wanted “this”
Whatever “this” is
Or whatever it was
Or whatever....
I don’t wanna seem crazy
So I won’t admit to totally creating the perfect relationship in my head.
I don’t wanna seem crazy
So I won’t admit that I feel for a fool
Or should I say fell like a fool
I knew you never meant to catch me
But it didn’t hurt that bad
Falling for you, that is... so I didn’t mind
You never said you’d love me
But in my mind was close enough
So it was always ok
You never said you wanted this
But it was either this or that
And I couldn’t choose that
When all I’ve ever wanted was this
You and me, in love
I mean I still never got it
But it’s always nice to pretend isn’t it
I mean honestly
Who doesn’t like being able to say, that’s all mine
If only you could see me like I’ve always seen you
If only you could feel about me like I feel about you