I wonder at times About your face, your style I wonder what your voice must sound like.
Can't you see that we both lost? It wasn't me who took him away It wasn't me who caused the tumble But maybe it was.
You don't know how he looked when he spoke of you Like he didn't care. He told me I was cuter than you once.
Can't you see he hurt us both Can't you see we both lost Can't you see its not me who is your enemy I wish we could have been friends.
Sometimes I think about you And I wonder if our paths will ever cross I looked for you more than I did him for a time Thinking every ******* the street was you Every time I heard a semblance of your name The heat of my body would rise.
You have a history with him I do not know, nor do I want Sometimes envy grips me And reminds me that it is not mine To enjoy Though my friends tell me It is I who did not Fall short here With the ******* And the mistaken and heavy Rhyme.
You didn't have to act like you weren't there I didn't want to find out about you by accident I bury you in the sand Just as heavily as I do his deep blue eyes And all the times he lied.
Can't you see its not you and him Can't you see I'm the one who got away Can't you see no amount of blocking Pretending Will wash it away?
I had to pace all around the premise Haunted by your name Haunted by his banished absence Haunted by your ability To keep him in tow.
Sometimes I feel angry and sad My Philly friends don't acknowledge My success or progress Its like they don't even really care. Sometimes I'll go look and compare How they and others Click like, like, like Among the photos of others But to mine they do not. I'll internalize it The very same way I do the letting go Of reaching and repeating The never ending silence That has come Since I heard the bells chime on my door As he exited As I let him exit.
But I know it is not to be mine Just as you were not And nor was he.
So I'll take a final look around the balcony And remember what it was like to wear all black lace Bring him breakfast in bed Only to know it would be you he would wake up next to It would be you that would cause the tumble It would be you that caused us all to come crashing down It would be you that to keep his friendship His work
But its me that left a mark Of remembrance Of accountability Of haunting.