The fear of acceptance is my greatest denial,
It weighs down on me like an anchor of hesitance,
Yet my face is the epitome of self confidence,
I’m the one they think has no care’s,
It’s me that they say they wish they were more like,
But I wouldn’t wish these feelings on any of them,
I’m a hypocrite hidden in plain sight,
I affirm the strength that others should have,
And promote self belief,
I even champion confidence,
When all along my chants are my own solitary cries,
Screaming out in desperation to shun this weight I carry,
I replay every encounter in my head,
Analyse each conversation,
And obsess on every possible outcome,
But my camouflage of illusion means no one can tell.
I’m continuously assessing opinions,
I’m a student of expression,
Looking for the smallest signs,
Reading every response and extracting a multitude of meanings,
Trying to tell what everyone thinks of me,
I’ve worn this mask so long,
So long that even I no longer know what I look like,
Im scared to remove it,
I don’t think I can,
My mask has become part of me,
As I’ve become masked in my secret,
If only I could be on the inside,
That which you see on the outside,
Then I wouldn’t have to hide.
I want to be more confident,
Maybe not care so much what others think,
Is this today’s obsession,
Aren’t we all pretending about something,
At least trying to pretend,
Or is it that we’re just pretending to try .......?