Feb 2013
Let me warn you, my love, that when I fall, I fall very hard.
The first few months there are absolutely zero moments you are not on my mind, voice a soft whispering phantasm in your absence, drunk on whatever I sipped in your soul.
For awhile I become obsessed whether I like it or not.. and let me tell you, I like it as often as not.. but it's not a weird, psychotic obsession. It's an obsession in the sense that an absence of contact for as little as 2 days can feel like 3 weeks all warped together in a slow reality drifting sadly down a stream of redundant repeats of my least favourite New Years Eve paid programming.
I woke up last night at 3 AM imagining that I may not talk to you at all until you're back next Monday, and I'll be completely honest and admit that I cried a little. I shut myself up like a dog yelping for its owner to come home from work, but my heart still ached, and that, I'll admit, embarrassed me. I'm not sure if I can see you doing the same.
Let me warn you, my love, that I am afraid of commitment just as much as I am afraid not to commit. You really do seem worth the time and effort, but whether I like it or not there will be times when I cry into your shoulder and say my love for you is too comfortable. To be honest, my greatest fear at this point is hurting you. I trust myself enough to avoid it, but if I ever become distant or strange, please tell me. Please ask me. We will fix it. I promise.
Now let me tell you that I will never cheat on you. Not even drunk out of my mind could I bring myself to do it. I know how it feels and it's destruction. Eventually I will be so in love with you every other face will glaze over. I will be able to recognize beautiful faces and beautiful minds, but yours will be my dream come true.
I don't doubt you miss me less than I miss you. You're engaged in a brand new world down south, one filled with sky-blue water like dreams and tropic posters, horses on majestic beaches of gold grain.
I'm still carrying out the same motions on the same streets under the same rainy weather. It makes sense that I miss you more.
Let me warn you, my love, that writing pages as honest as these make me wonder if I terrify you in intention. Of course I'm not sure, who could be? All I know is I love you very much and that entails much in the way of future togetherness. Sorry if I am scaring you out of your emotional wits. All of this isn't easy to admit, but it's how I really truly honestly feel.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. I think distance makes the heart aware of what it hadn't had time to articulate. Hadn't had time to admit.
Most of the time I philosophize on life. Although love is a part of life, I find this distance has me philosophizing less and loving you more.
You'll be back soon.
Soon just isn't soon enough for the heart that wants to hold your hand.
The first few months there are absolutely zero moments you are not on my mind, voice a soft whispering phantasm in your absence, drunk on whatever I sipped in your soul.
For awhile I become obsessed whether I like it or not.. and let me tell you, I like it as often as not.. but it's not a weird, psychotic obsession. It's an obsession in the sense that an absence of contact for as little as 2 days can feel like 3 weeks all warped together in a slow reality drifting sadly down a stream of redundant repeats of my least favourite New Years Eve paid programming.
I woke up last night at 3 AM imagining that I may not talk to you at all until you're back next Monday, and I'll be completely honest and admit that I cried a little. I shut myself up like a dog yelping for its owner to come home from work, but my heart still ached, and that, I'll admit, embarrassed me. I'm not sure if I can see you doing the same.
Let me warn you, my love, that I am afraid of commitment just as much as I am afraid not to commit. You really do seem worth the time and effort, but whether I like it or not there will be times when I cry into your shoulder and say my love for you is too comfortable. To be honest, my greatest fear at this point is hurting you. I trust myself enough to avoid it, but if I ever become distant or strange, please tell me. Please ask me. We will fix it. I promise.
Now let me tell you that I will never cheat on you. Not even drunk out of my mind could I bring myself to do it. I know how it feels and it's destruction. Eventually I will be so in love with you every other face will glaze over. I will be able to recognize beautiful faces and beautiful minds, but yours will be my dream come true.
I don't doubt you miss me less than I miss you. You're engaged in a brand new world down south, one filled with sky-blue water like dreams and tropic posters, horses on majestic beaches of gold grain.
I'm still carrying out the same motions on the same streets under the same rainy weather. It makes sense that I miss you more.
Let me warn you, my love, that writing pages as honest as these make me wonder if I terrify you in intention. Of course I'm not sure, who could be? All I know is I love you very much and that entails much in the way of future togetherness. Sorry if I am scaring you out of your emotional wits. All of this isn't easy to admit, but it's how I really truly honestly feel.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. I think distance makes the heart aware of what it hadn't had time to articulate. Hadn't had time to admit.
Most of the time I philosophize on life. Although love is a part of life, I find this distance has me philosophizing less and loving you more.
You'll be back soon.
Soon just isn't soon enough for the heart that wants to hold your hand.
7 days by the end of today.
