so many rigid walls
blocking my way
too many unhealthy thoughts
clogging my brain
all of these people
telling me it's too late
nobody understands
the extent of my pain
they all say it gets better
and that i'll be okay
they tell me to hold on
like i haven't tried
keep telling me to breathe
as they close in on all sides
tell me to come out of the darkness
as they burn me with their lights
keep telling telling telling
but i don't want their advice
but i'm stuck and i'm lost
and so ******* confused
so wrapped up in my feelings
i could never fathom what to do
about all of these problems
that somehow all lead back to you
it was not a what that was hurting me
but it took too long to figure out who
i blamed homework and school
i blamed work and sleep
i blamed existence and life
i blamed everything
but i never blamed you
eventually i even blamed me
never thought that you would hurt me
but i guess that i'm still learning