to all the boys i've lusted before
you were never what i needed
you were never what i deserved
you were never competent
of giving me the love
i was entitled to
the love i am entitled to
i sold myself short
giving myself a measurable discount
i kept quiet
when i wanted to yell
i played a part in this
as much as you do
i was a staple on your casting couch
i auditioned
i won the leading role
or the love interest perhaps
then i realized there
was no love there at all
no love to be interested in at least
i always had an understudy
sometimes i was aware of them
other times they came as a surprise
my heart was fractured
but not broken
to think i broke a leg
**** near every show
for you
and you
and you too
no more
i am the writer of my own production
the director
the producer
and everything in between
right down to craft services
our visions no longer align
i am finally
independent