I restarted my medication recently because I hit the worst depression episode of my life. It got so bad that I had planned out, with cold, hard rationale, how I was going to **** myself.

The medication is helping somewhat. But it's also making me feel numb. I don't feel positive emotions anymore, if I feel anything it's the depression. I feel like an empty husk floating through life.

I don't want to live like this, I don't want to take the medication if this is how it's going to make me feel. However, I can't fight this alone. I don't know what to do.