Feb 2013
I stood, my collar tightly drawn
as sea spray brushed my skin
and gazed towards the choppy waves and all that lay within.
Gulls circled right above my head,
they wanted from my hand
a salty bag of fresh, cooked chips
so I dropped one on the sand.
The first gull dived towards me
followed by his friend
and then they ALL flew at me!
I thought it was the end!
They all seemed so much bigger
as they descended down,
their screech of war was deafening!
I chose to make for town!
I turned to run away from them,
So scared, as you would be!
But now the gulls were closer still
I felt their beaks on me!
They snatched and ripped out clumps of hair and one snapped at my ear!
I thought I'd die, I really did!
My heart was full of fear!
I swung my arm and slapped a beak,
grabbed legs and dealt some blows
and then the biggest gull of all
was hanging off my nose!!
It looked at me with angry eyes
and squeezed my nose with hate,
I scream so loud they must have heard me at the village fete!!
I grabbed its neck to give a twist
but before i could **** it dead,
it flipped its feathered torso up
and landed on my head!
It's gang had now surrounded me,
their king perched up above.
All because the greedy sods
wanted what was in my glove!
They took a menacing step closer,
they looked like they could ****!
Their beaks were set for fighting,
their war cries now quite shrill.
I needed to get out of this,
Or I was in real trouble!
More local gulls had heard the fight
and numbers were almost double!
I threw the chips away from me
as far as I possibly could,
the gulls would surely follow them
and I prayed to God they would!
My nose was ******,
my ears were sore,
I'd lost some hair, it was on the floor!
I ran like a madman holding my head,
howling like a baby and needing my bed.
I hid beneath my bedroom covers,
shocked by what had occurred,
who would believe such injuries
were caused by a ****** bird?!
I'll never visit the seaside again, I've moved to the big bustling city,
those crazy gulls have left me scared,
and the scars are not that pretty!
as sea spray brushed my skin
and gazed towards the choppy waves and all that lay within.
Gulls circled right above my head,
they wanted from my hand
a salty bag of fresh, cooked chips
so I dropped one on the sand.
The first gull dived towards me
followed by his friend
and then they ALL flew at me!
I thought it was the end!
They all seemed so much bigger
as they descended down,
their screech of war was deafening!
I chose to make for town!
I turned to run away from them,
So scared, as you would be!
But now the gulls were closer still
I felt their beaks on me!
They snatched and ripped out clumps of hair and one snapped at my ear!
I thought I'd die, I really did!
My heart was full of fear!
I swung my arm and slapped a beak,
grabbed legs and dealt some blows
and then the biggest gull of all
was hanging off my nose!!
It looked at me with angry eyes
and squeezed my nose with hate,
I scream so loud they must have heard me at the village fete!!
I grabbed its neck to give a twist
but before i could **** it dead,
it flipped its feathered torso up
and landed on my head!
It's gang had now surrounded me,
their king perched up above.
All because the greedy sods
wanted what was in my glove!
They took a menacing step closer,
they looked like they could ****!
Their beaks were set for fighting,
their war cries now quite shrill.
I needed to get out of this,
Or I was in real trouble!
More local gulls had heard the fight
and numbers were almost double!
I threw the chips away from me
as far as I possibly could,
the gulls would surely follow them
and I prayed to God they would!
My nose was ******,
my ears were sore,
I'd lost some hair, it was on the floor!
I ran like a madman holding my head,
howling like a baby and needing my bed.
I hid beneath my bedroom covers,
shocked by what had occurred,
who would believe such injuries
were caused by a ****** bird?!
I'll never visit the seaside again, I've moved to the big bustling city,
those crazy gulls have left me scared,
and the scars are not that pretty!
